doing overnight duty. hahaha. using com in my sir's room to come online hahahaa. rather weird blogging while in an army camp wearing long 4 while your men are outside watching huo yuan jia on some other com hahahahaa
after reading chin's entry which was partially in reply to my entry so actually this is a reply to a reply so its this a reply or a rereply so she replies replies on a seashore if she replies replies on a seashore where are all the rereplies she replied on a seashore
parents are really really valuable. you must be thinking duh what the fuck it took you 19 and going to be twenty years to realise and type it out but still i must say again now i really fully appreciate them. especially if you know abt my family stuff which i dun think i have ever told anyone single person before
there was a period of time when i really neglected my parents deliberately, even totally ignored their birthdays. went out earlier than them, came back when they were all asleep. i may have told some of you some time ago, that i have not eaten any home cooked food for 3 years liddat. there was even a time when i threw some half eaten delifrance croissant at my mum. but b4 you think im some gay unfilial dog bastard who deserves to die i must say if u dun understand the situation at the time pls dun say im a dog. in fact it was a bad act with a good intention, like a white lie. but too long and still i dun really feel lk telling anyone so ya you can still think me as a golden retriever if u wish
maybe time and army and 19 plus years of gaying around and so much shit happening and lots of milk and salmon sashimi and kong ba pau has made me grow up a bit more finally. im planning something gd for my mums not really near but immiment birthday. buying something for my parents for cny. appreciating every single home cooked dinner i return home too even tho its nearly everyday that i get to go home. sometimes i look at my mum when shes not looking and i see a little girl there. sometimes when i see my dad with my grandma i see a small kid there talking to his mum like it has always been for 50 plus years. has it ever occured to you that when you try to act grown up and rebel and ignore your parents your parents suddenly become lost and become the kid instead in a cruel reversal of roles? has it occured to you that one day you will be stuck in a big flabby old wrinkled weak powerless ill frame of a body and you look helplessly at your children whom you thought you have always understood but suddenly felt like you knew nothing about them at all?
perhaps my previous entry was wrong, the one abt the love appearing if given enough time thing. for me at least, it took me several years to finally find back the love for my parents. it was never gone, it has always been there hidden. it just took me some regrettable time to find it back, but at least i finally did it didnt i
| Thoughts Became Words At 11:00 PM |
